With my graduate school applications out of the way, and the waiting period starting, all I have now are a bunch of exams, my senior seminar (which at the moment is lacking direction), and a lot of following up with high school students to prepare and finish for before I graduate in June.
I’ve also started job hunting because according to my parents, I should always have a plan to fall back on- especially that being my unconventional self, I didn’t apply to graduate school at AUB (where I’m a current student) because the program doesn’t seem to be to my liking.
Well, it’s not that easy finding a job for an Environmental/Public Health specialist in a country where everyone is groomed to be the next doctor, engineer, or businessman- things I’ll never be, things I never wanted to be.
I’m on the verge of graduating and I still get the “look” from people when I tell them about my major, my future plans, and my long-term ambitions.
But there’s nothing wrong with not sticking to conventions- at least in mind, there’s nothing wrong with it.
It’s been a long time coming, and a lot of unwarranted criticism, but I think I’m ready for this new period of my life.
In June 2010, I started a little project called TnT: A Blog About Life And Everything In Between with someone very near and dear to my heart. We decided to blog under our nicknames (even though Tom is as far away from that person’s given name as possible) and just write about what we know best.
In my case, it was mostly all about music and “fun” lists, while he blogged about sports and such.
It seemed to be working out for us- this little arrangement. It taught us a lot about ourselves and one another, as well as the online world.
People actually liked what we had to offer- this was a great boost for our self-esteems, and for me, a great affirmation that I could still write after all those years of not doing so.
Somewhere along the line, we just started making excuses for our lack of blogging and left it in a sort of dead state.
Today, Tom informed me that even though we haven’t done any new changes in around two months, we’re still averaging about 30 views a day- an amazing feat. He also proposed we go back to blogging there.
I honestly don’t know. TnT is a Wordpress blog and I don’t really feel comfortable blogging on such a rigid medium- unlike Tumblr which allows me to be as random and “flow” as I am in reality.
I also started feeling incredibly bored of not revealing anything about myself. While I don’t want the entire world knowing my business (there’s Facebook for that), I still didn’t like distancing my blogger persona from who I actually am.
Another reason that discouraged(s) me from returning to the old blog is because of expectations. It’s undeniable that the Lebanese blogging scene is booming- and just about anyone with an opinion is writing. In that huge world, I know I’m still a tiny fish with very little expertise- something I need to build by discovering and making mistakes. Living up to people’s expectations and having to constantly deliver (taking into account that I am not a full-time blogger either) has led me to be completely apathetic and just write here whenever I can, whatever I want to.
So back to the main point.
I’m not at all sure if I should go back to blogging with Tom- especially given how much I enjoy writing here.
The response to the question in the title has to be- I guess- “It depends” (as the utilitarians in my ethics course would have said).
I am enjoying answering your questions- It’s good to think about writing and all that after such a long time and it’s helping me put things into perspective.
It’s difficult to say what inspires me because it’s not one specific thing but rather an observation of all that’s going on and what I’m going through at the moment. Maybe I haven’t been writing so much lately because my life has been in this uneventful state for a while now.
I do tend to read a lot and I absolutely love discussing thoughts and ideas with people to have a complete perspective on things because I hate to just have a block unchanging view on things.
What do you mean by condensing your thoughts? How do you do that?
As for a theme, there was always two things recurring-and I really loved writing about them: change and the need for help, but I never just sat down and told myself I’m going to write about either one, they just came to be the way they are, so I’d say this all just creative stuff that came to be what they are today. Then again, it’s up to the reader to discover if there is a recurrence or not.
All the best :)